#and milla kresnik was mostly successful

[kresnikcest]

No more Rays, time to think transformatively again

[lastthroes]

Dreamwidth crosspost, as a reply to lrb:

1.    How many fics have you worked on since January?

I spent a good part of the year not doing much, mostly due to how unpredictable my health became. There’s way more I worked on that what ended up actually finished and posted. However, counting some non-exchange but still Anonymous works, and if my math is mathing right… I got twenty whole works posted! 🥳

2.    What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? I made a conscious effort to focus on my descriptions. I feel that one of my strongest points is introspection, which often causes White Room Syndrome. Even if I might have not always been successful, I did force myself to actually remember there’s a world that exists outside of the characters too. It’s particularly noticeable in between a life that we expected and the way it’s always been and eigengrau which, besides the inclusion of interpersonal conflict, also count as worldbuilding exploration: F41DB AKA Victor’s original dimension, and then the world after the Julius Ending, respectively.

3.    What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.) Xillia 2, much like the past year, and I predict a lot more of it for the new year to come as well.

4.    How many fandoms did you write for this year?

Legendia, Rays, Asteria, Xillia 2, Zestiria, Berseria,… That makes up for seven different canons. A decent amount of variety, in my opinion. 5.    What ships captured your heart?

Looks like it was Julius/Ludger taking the crown of having the biggest number of works! 6.    What characters captured your heart?

Victor, the Kresnik brothers, the earth siblings… Even if we add some new characters into the bunch, we stay mostly consistent. 7.    Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

I sure did! Finally wrote for Rays like I had been meaning to since I came back to it after Crestoria’s EoS.

As for ships, in one hand, I got to write (and start the tags for) Rays!Victor and Asteria!Elle in from a missed connection, and then Asteria!Victor/Asteria!Elle in a rock upon which i stand. In the other hand, from here on in made me write Prime!Julius/Victor, then Julius/Ludger/Victor in living mirage, which also started its own tag.

I also got to write Legendia with Chloe/Shirley in a place to call home. This one is not really a new ship for me, but it is one I didn’t really had the chance to create anything for before. It’s also the ship that finally broke my shipcest streak. It wasn’t on purpose, but wow: I really wrote nothing but gen fic and incest for two years straight...

Finally, I also dipped my toes into Velvet/Eizen by writing them in an implied canon divergence with illiagne red. 8.    What fic meant the most to you to write?

That’s probably if i could start again, a million miles away.

A particular pet-peeve I have is the use of MCD for nothing else but shameless shock value, with cases like Fractured Milla and Dezel being the worst contenders: they get not only forgotten, but also effectively replaced by Prime Milla and Zaveid respectively. I wrote that fic as a response to how much the canon shrugs Ludger’s pain under the carpet, particularly in the context of the normal/neutral ending. The weight of the Trial and having to destroy all the dimensions, letting go of Milla’s hand knowing it’ll kill her and then, as the cherry on top, having to watch the two people he loved most killing themselves to save his life? Ignoring all this simply isn’t realistic.

… However, it’s also not the first fic that I ended up throwing into an unrevealed collection shortly after publication due to feeling disastisfied. It doesn’t help that it’s the kind of fic I’m reluctant to have anyone beta through it, less because of the length and more because of the content warnings.

So, for this question, I think I will cheat a little and choose "To show you a smile", a ship manifesto for Edna/Eizen. It’s a ship that’s very close to my heart. 9.    What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? Everything does, kind of? If I didn’t enjoy myself, why would I write it? I know it’s kind of a cliche answer, but that really is how I feel. 10.    What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? Probably anything involving Rays, considering all the canon checking that it involves, which means from a missed connection, enemy lines, and perfect world in the cradle. And man, is Rays a complicated canon to be reviewing for… It comes with the territory of being a seven-years long game, but still. 11.    What fic was the most difficult to write? I’m going to go with the former answer again. They were both difficult and satisfying. 12.    What fic was the easiest to write? Not counting the ficlets, then the ship manifesto I mentioned earlier, "To show you a smile": I sat down and wrote ~4k of it in one go. It had been bouncing in my brain for so many years that it just flowed without issues once I finally told myself to do it.

13.    What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year? Shortest: unsaid, at 404 words. Sometimes a ficlet format is best for some stories, because what’s most important is what isn’t said out loud, much like the title implies.

Longest: if i could start again, a million miles away again, at ~20k words. But considering the aforementioned circumstances, looks like it’s eigengrau which gets the honors instead with ~11k words. 14.    What were your go-to writing songs?

This one’s easy if you recognize some titles, because they are parts of songs more often than not.

15.    What was the hardest fic to title? I usually let the fic simmer for enough time that I can come up with a decent title, but that wasn’t the case for a rock upon which i stand, just like it also wasn’t for illiagne red, because both of them were late treats. They went through several different title changes and I still don’t like what I settled with, they feel basic and boring... But well, what can you do. 16.    What's your favorite title of the year?

eigengrau, a German word for intrinsic gray, the not-truly-pitch-black that you see when you close your eyes. It ended up fitting the fic really well, considering the tone and the state of the world with Bisley’s full control. Or, as the fic itself puts it:

"No matter how twisted and submerged in darkness this world may be, it was the only one Julius knew that let them stay together. This was the world he had wanted, and not the perfect world he’d decided to push Ludger to create. This was the life they had chosen—both of them."

17.    Share your favorite opening line

"Regardless of how much he regretted it, the scorpion had still killed the frog in those stories Claudia always read to him.

Maybe it was just how things were meant to be. Maybe their differences were irreconcilable."

(From: binding blood.)

This intro is meant to foreshadow the ending. And, though this is a different tale (a fable that is probably popular enough to be recognizable, the scorpion that wanted to cross the river and then drowned from killing the frog because he couldn’t help it), I still vaguely wanted to connect it to Night on the Galactic Railroad, a popular japanese novel—I love thinking of Julius as the scorpion of fire mentioned in it. I have done a few references to NotGR in different Xillia 2 fics, and I cannot stress enough my disappointment at canon completely wasting the opportunity of referencing it, especially with the theme of sacrifice at the end and the train visuals from the first chapters. Besides, you already have a NPC in Drellin referencing real japanese literature with "Two-thousand Years of Solitude", or 『二千年の孤独』. 18.    Share your favorite ending line I am torn between two of them. First, from binding blood:

"Julius laughed feverishly, his whole body weight falling on Ludger’s open chest as he cradled his heart against him.

“I knew it…! I knew it… I knew you had a kind heart…”

The world faded into bright red."This unfortunately does not work well in English, but in Japanese 温かい can be read as warm (and blood is warm) and also kind—and Ludger’s kindness is the last thing Stribog!Julius remarks before he dies: “I know you have… a kind heart… And that’s why--I told you to stay away!”.

The second one comes from perfect world in the cradle:

"But Julius had been wrong. This dream wasn’t ending. This was not the end of their story. This was reality now: this blue and bright sky filled with hope was his—their—actual world now, and Julius’ heart swelled with possibilities.

Closed off from everything else, there was a chance that Tir Na Nog would someday fall into yet another crisis, but Julius realized he was at peace with that: he would face whatever new crisis that came head-on. Both of them would, always together." Just like the fic points out, Julius references quite a few times in Rays that everything is so good it just feels like a dream. This is also connected to Rays showing a close version of the perfect world he creates after completing his transformation into a divergence catalyst, one in which he can actually live happily with Ludger.

19.    Share your favorite piece of dialogue

"“Elle was meant to bring you to me. I would take your place and get to Canaan to restart my life as a true denizen of the prime dimension.”

Reincarnation would turn them into different people but, in a way, they would still be ‘Elle’ and ‘Ludger’. Left with no better choices, Victor had come to peace with such an end to their story: it was miles better than vanishing away.

“But Elle...”

“Yes, she didn’t know,” Victor confirmed before smirking. “You are in the house of the unrepentant man who dreamed of killing you for years, Ludger Will Kresnik of the prime dimension.”"

This is from enemy lines. I still cannot believe how Rays closed without ever addressing everything that Victor did (and everything else that he was planning to do) in the canon. Talk about a wasted opportunity. 20.    Share your funniest line

From perfect world in the cradle again: "“Rollo, my boy, come here. Let’s get you down, safe and round.”"

I wrote this one for an exchange, and both the beta and the recipient liked it, so it must be a good line! 21.    What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? eigengrau went through a lot, and I really mean a lot, of changes. I had no idea back when I started it that it would eventually mutate into a whole AU—Most of what remained was the core concept of them running away and camping, of the news causing conflict between them, and of Julius worrying about Ludger while submerged in the night’s dark. Initially, the title as a reference didn’t work because I had forgotten about Canaan being in the sky permanently after you summon it (and until you complete the Trial), which means no sun and moons and perpetual purple-ish light, which also rendered the theme/concept I was using and I had titled the fic after unusable. Later, as I tried to fix it, I also realized that it was a total downer of a fic, which I couldn’t know if the recipient would like. As I envisioned how to fix that as well, I added the scene of them living happily in a random fractured dimension... And one thing led to another, and that is how I somehow wrote 11k for an exchange. But I also had a lot of time, so maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t be given that much time to write? Hah.

22.    What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand? Well, I still use the 2007 version of Word… Device-wise, my now dead phone (I’d be lying if I said the life without a phone isn’t also kind of more relaxed), notebook margins,... just whatever I had close whenever inspiration struck.

("Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime 🎵 That's why I write incest on company time 🎵") 23.    If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? Some point of time as I worked in eigengrau and perfect world in the cradle, because I realized my writing was actually improving. If you compare any of them to some burdens are so in more ways than one, which was the first time I wrote in English in years, the difference is noticeable. 24.    Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? Ehhh, no, I don’t really do anything like that. 25.    How did you recharge between fics? This question assumes that I don’t post something and then open a different document next. 26.    Did you create fanworks other than fic? Besides the Edna/Eizen ship meta mentioned earlier, I did some art. Not much as I’d have liked to due to the circumstances: writing you can do it anywhere, but drawing? You have to be in front of your computer, with your drawing tablet, with no interruptions, with no painful and distracting illnesses… So just stay at hotel fenntasia, a place to call home which is an art to accompany the fic of the same name (and the first time in almost a whole year that I drew something), and avant-garde cooking. 27.    How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!) Year of the OTP Prompt Event 2023, the Stuffed With Love multifandom incest exchange, Cestember 2024 (as well as the Microcest weekly event), the Tales of Secret Santa 2023 and 2024, and Yuletide—in which I also snuck a small treat for the Madness collection.

I also filled an old prompt for Tales of Spicy Cocktail 2022, as well as another one for the Tales of Prompts NSFW collection that was a crosspost. I imagine familyromantic’s shipcest contest on Tumblr counts as well. I really like participating in fandom events. Having a deadline forces me to actually get things done. 28.    If this were an awards show, who would you thank? Hah. I guess my friends who put up with my random ramblings as I try to figure out a plot, and of course everyone who’s left me a comment or a kudos. It’s very appreciated, especially when I seem to get nicher and nicher. 29.    What's left on your to-do list for 2024? I would say that the rest of my YOTP 2023 entries. I will try to finish them through 2025, even if the collection is closed and I can no longer submit.

I also would like to get properly back into drawing... There is a certain art trade that I have left hanging for so long that it’s a bit embarrassing. It was mainly caused by my deteriorating health, and later I got hit by the overwhelming "after such a long wait, I need to turn it into the absolute best drawing I have ever made" perfectionism, but still.

30.    What would you like to write next year? Some of the Eizen/Edna (maybe more like Edna/Eizen) ideas that keep bouncing inside my head. It’s my OTP among the OTPs for a good reason. The main thing that always stops me is that they literally never interact onscreen in canon (with crossover mobile games often coming up with wildly different interpretations—just look at how they speak to each other in Crestoria and then look at Asteria, for example). They also come from two different videogames that heavily contradict each other, which means I have to do a lot of reviewing and pick-and-choose. Xillia 2 has a very similar problem, but it’s also much easier to compartmentalize what doesn’t fit with the original game in terms of characters and worldbuilding. I also hope to get some claimed prompts done once Spicy Cocktail returns.

[yume-x-hanabi]

Could be considered spoilers for your Fractured Lives fic, but...! Some headcanons for the world that the fractured Chimeriad came from?

gosh this is reminding me chapter three is in need of finishing haha

Under cut cuz it got long oops

Its coordinates are: Depth 79, Variation 0.15. Entry point was the Xailen Woods Temple because Fractured Musee had actually been lurking around Khan Baliq looking for the Chimeriad. That’s why they were staying in the Xailen Woods Temple. They would have probably been found out at some point and killed had the prime party not arrived and destroyed their world. Musee’s the catalyst because she’s still got her full dimensional powers and is the reason behind most life-death differences.

As illustrated by the low variation, this dimension’s history ran parallel to the prime for a long time - the divergence started during the battle of Fezebel, when Ivar sacrificed himself instead of Jiao. After that the events played out more or less the same as in the game, except with Jiao instead of Ivar on the Zenethra.

It’s said in the game that Musee attacked Gaius a couple of times (when she wasn’t busy tormenting Jude or slaughtering the elders in Nia Khera); I headcanon that one of those times she attacked him in Il Fan, but the Chimeriad (minus Jiao) was with him and they managed to fend her off. In the fractured dimension though, Jiao’s presence caused the Chimeriad to be a bit further away when she started her attack, and she managed to get the upper hand on Gaius before they could reach and assist him. They were just a few seconds too late.

In this dimension’s Hamil incident, Alvin killed Jude and Leia, and Musee disposed of him. His body was never found, though.

It was explained in chapter 1, but since Gaius wasn’t there to help bring back order, Rashugal fell into chaos and split into two factions, with on one side Rowen and Driselle trying their best to calm things down, but on the other side House Zmey taking advantage of the empty throne to try and seize power. War was close between the two of them.

In Auj Oule, the Chimeriad ruled together with more or less success, but some clans saw Gaius’ death as an opportunity to re-establish their former influence, so tensions were high.

Elympios lost contact with Exodus, but they had the blueprints for the Lance of Kresnik, so given enough time they would have rebuilt one and re-opened a hole in the schism. Musee would be waiting though.

Milla was reincarnated as a spirit as in the game (with the Four running interference to the memory-wiping process as well), but since Jude and the party never went to confront Maxwell, she didn’t completely regain all her memories and settled in the spirit realm with the Four.

Although the fractured Chimeriad were the same as the prime ones for most of their lives, the divergence caused some changes. Well the biggest one was Gaius’ death, of course, which is a big trauma for all of them and left them with intense survivor’s guilt (especially for Wingul, whose insecurities got worse as a result). It however brought them closer together, as they now did everything together - for safety reasons at first, but they also quickly became each other’s emotional support, something to cling to when everything was falling apart around them.

Interestingly, Agria’s the one who’s keeping it together the most. She witnessed Wingul (her no-fun insensitive boss who was always snarking her and scolding her about etiquette) completely break down in front of Gaius’ grave and it sparked something in her; she felt someone had to be strong for all of them, and if he couldn’t do it, then she would take that role. She became the one who kept track of if they were eating or sleeping properly and not moping around too much. It gave her something to focus on. Jiao noticed and encouraged her to let off steam when she needed instead of bottling everything for the sake of the others. So sometimes she went with him to the forest to vent and destroy things. Presa didn’t fare too well at first (she was also worried about Alvin, despite everything), but she was getting better. And Wingul mostly buried himself in work (more than he already was, anyway) to keep himself from thinking too much about what happened, but of course the thoughts would creep up at any time. He tried to hide it at first, but they managed to get him to open up a bit. The other three became really protective of him (which he both hates–he’s not fragile, dammit! and is grateful for–it’s proof he hasn’t lost everything and still has a place to belong) and are probably ready to fight anyone who so much as looks at him wrongly. This is pretty much the point they had reached when the events of ch1 happened.

They’d kept contact with Rowen and Elise through letters, keeping each other updated on the political situation, warnings about Musee sightings, and sharing advice (and, in the case of Jiao and Elise, encouragements). They were planning on an official Auj Oule-Sharil alliance.

They’re actually not that shaken by the destruction of their dimension, partly because its future seemed so bleak (and the prime seems too good to be true, in comparison), partly because their “place” is now with each other, so as long as they keep together, the actual location doesn’t matter much. They do feel like their struggle had been in vain, though, as the world was doomed to disappear, and sometimes struggle with the fact they were spared from that fate.

This became way too long, but I’m happy to talk about it. Thanks for the question! :)